I finally got something to work. I had to take my column out into its own cell array 'goop'.
glop = cellfun(@(x) x(1:2), goop, 'UniformOutput', false);
glup = cellfun(@(x) x(3:end), goop, 'UniformOutput', false);
Honestly, I do not understand why it would not let me do it in the table directly. Instead, it just gives me a column of 2X1 cells.
Anyhow, this will work for my purposes. I just was hoping for something more... efficient.